What was I feeling when I hit Myrtle?

My mind was racing. Tom just found out about my relationship with Gatsby which meant the end of my secure marriage with Tom. My emotions were absolutely scattered and I needed air so I left and Gatsby chased after me. We jumped in his car racing out of the city. I was so scared and was questioning my every action. I was distracted by the fact that I could not be with Tom anymore. When Myrtle ran into the middle of the road, it all happened so fast. Before I knew it, her body indented Gatsby's windshield. I hit her. I hit a woman. I couldn't stop now. I needed to get away from here so I kept going. I was in shock and wasn't prepared to face authorities or anyone. Gatsby told me he would handle everything, but I was scared. I didn't know what to do so I ran to Tom. Tom had always been there for me and I knew he would make things right and protect me. He was that one constant thing in my life. Gatsby was asking too much of me anyways and it's evident that we are not supposed to be together. It's toxic for the both of us. Tom assured me everything would be okay and I believed him. This is how my life is supposed to be: safe and sound in Tom’s arms. 

What I was feeling when I saw Gatsby's shirts?

After seeing Gatsby for the first time since he left for the war, feelings from the past emerged. He invited me and Nick to see his luxurious mansion. The house was even more spectacular than I imagined it to be. I was so impressed by all of his possessions and was in awe when he took me to his closet. He started tossing his dress shirts across the room as I cheered and laughed until my tears of joy quickly turned to tears of misery. I broke down and Gatsby wondered what was wrong. I told him that it was because the shirts were so beautiful but on the inside I was feeling something deeper than what I was portraying. In seeing all that Gatsby has accomplished to get to this point, I couldn't help but wonder what my life might have been like if I had chosen Gatsby. I could have had the love of my life and money to keep me happy. My life suddenly feels empty even though it is filled with wonderful things. Tom and I had money, which practically kept us together, but the love had faded. Gatsby on the other hand was someone I had always seen myself with; however, at the time he was poor and not suitable for me. His mansion was a symbol of how hard he worked to get me back and I was overwhelmed. Gatsby never lost hope and that was something I always admired about him. 

What I was thinking when I abandoned Gatsby?

Gatsby and I had been involved for some time before I was able to build up the nerve to tell Tom I was leaving him for Gatsby. It was time and unfortunately for not only me and Gatsby it did not go smoothly. Chaos occurred and Tom was enraged because he feared his mistress was leaving him to go out West with her husband and I was leaving him for Gatsby who he despised from the day one. Gatsby presented me with an ultimatum that I simply could not handle. He wanted me to admit to never loving Tom but that was untrue. After I hit Myrtle with Gatsby's car, I went to Tom for help. We talked and sorted everything out. Tom was willing to protect me at all cost and I was beginning to remember why I loved him. He was consistent and reliable and I knew his money was well earned. We were able to put everything behind us and focus on our well-being as a family. Gatsby was simply just a thing in the past that I was willing to forget and move on. I chose Tom over Gatsby because he was the better option for my well-being. Although Tom and I had our troubles within our marriage, it didn't matter anymore because that was in the past just like my relationship with Gatsby. Tom assured me everything would be okay and he would take care of the situation. Gatsby was just a name of the past that was to be forgotten.

What I was thinking when I heard Gatsby was living in West Egg?

I have been married to Tom for five years and for most of the time I was happily in love. Tom and I fell in love and had a lot in common; however, somewhere along the way our love was lost. I knew about his affair with Myrtle but couldn't imagine leaving him. Where would I go? What would I do? Leaving Tom would mean leaving his money and that was something I was not ready to do. When first heard Gatsby was living in West Egg directly across bay I didn't know what to think. Somewhere deep down I had hoped we could reconnect. Tom wasn't paying any attention to me and I was seeking attention. Gatsby was the love of my life and hearing his name was the most unexpected thing I had heard since Tom's affair. I wanted to see him. I was intrigued and there was always something mysterious about Gatsby. I feared when Gatsby went off to war that would be the last time I would see him. Hearing his name brought back deep feelings I had for Gatsby. I had so many questions and knew the only way to find answers would be to see him face to face. 

Why did I choose Tom over Gatsby?

When I first heard Gatsby was back in town I wondered if our love was still alive. Seeing him again triggered deep feelings from the past that I didn't know were still existed. Gatsby and I fell in love all over again and I planned on leaving Tom to start a new life with my true love. Tom could see that I was in love with Gatsby and was enraged. After I accidentally hit Myrtle with Gatsby's car, Tom was there for me. Gatsby always asked too much of me and I could not handle it. He wanted me to admit to never loving Tom and that was something I just could not do. It was a lie.  I had to choose Tom over Gatsby because he came from old money and I need to be taken care of. Gatsby is driven on emotion and doesn't think before he acts. I could not bear to be with him because of all the pain that has occurred do to our relationship. Being with Tom secures my lifelong happiness that is filled with everything I could ever want. I've made some mistakes and so has Tom but we are both able to look past our transgressions and focus on the rest of our lives together. 

Why did I marry Tom Buchanan?

Marrying Tom was something I had to do to preserve my future wealth and happiness. If I had truly followed my heart and pursued my love for Gatsby, I would not have been guaranteed the lifestyle I have with Tom. When I first met Gatsby, he and I fell deeply in love; but, he was going into the war. I decided to wait for his return so we could pursue our relationship. We exchanged letters back and forth for months but I couldn't wait forever. In Louisville, I met one of the most popular and wealthy bachelors in town. From that moment I knew I wanted to seize the opportunity to have a sybaritic lifestyle.  Meeting Tom made me realize that I probably would never see Gatsby again and it was time to move on. He was able to provide me with everything I could ever want. Tom and I have one common denominator: money which certainly held our marriage together for a while. There was a time that I loved him and we were happy together, but Gatsby always seemed to linger in the back of mind. I hoped that one day we would find each other once again and our love would be resurrected.